


I love you, and it hurts

by hoebemyhope



Category: The Mighty Boosh (TV)
Genre: Heartache, Howard could possibly be a little bipolar, Howard loves Vince Vince doesn't seem to love Howard, Hurt, It's kinda sad, M/M, Shitty fic, a little bit toxic, he's literally a rollercoaster, honestly it's pretty bad, i can't write, it's a little unhealthy, strong emotions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:35:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25799017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hoebemyhope/pseuds/hoebemyhope
Summary: Howard expressing his feelings, towards a certain someone. It's rather intense
Relationships: Howard Moon/Vince Noir
Comments: 3
Kudos: 8





	I love you, and it hurts

It’s not fair.

It's hard. Watching the person you love completely ignore you sucks. You know they don’t mean to do it, but it still kills you on the inside. I hate it. I hate him. No, I hate that I love him this much, I love him so much that my heart aches. It hurts, it hurts so much, the longing I feel for him is intense, powerful and yet so very wrong. All I want is for him to validate me, for him to feel the same way for me as I feel for him, but he never will. Life just doesn’t work like that, I suppose. 

No matter how horrible he makes me feel sometimes, I can’t get over him, he makes me feel alive, makes me feel like I’m needed. I suppose in a way, he really does need me, just not in the way I need him. 

He deserves a lot better than me. I mean look at him, with his raven locks, and his giant, enigmatic, blue, diamonds he calls eyes, not to mention those soft sweet tasting lips, as well as his porcelain smooth skin. He could probably have anyone he wants, and who he wants will never be me. 

Watching him now, greeting customers, engaging with them in a flirtatious manner makes me want to just rip my hair out. He knows how I feel, he’s such a tease, and yet he continues to do this to me. He’s arrogant and insensitive, I can’t even stand him most of the time. He never leaves my head, I need a break, and yet I’d never take one. Not from him. He’s addictive, he’s my drug, Vince Noir is intoxicating, and he knows it. He knows how desirable he is, he knows how much he’s wanted and exactly how many people he’s wanted by. Maybe that’s part of the reason he can’t commit to one person, maybe he feels like others would be missing out. He’s just so selfless like that.

Vince Noir is my nightmare and my daydream. The reason I get out of bed, and the reason I just want to crawl into it and die. He’s just everything to me and more, I have no idea where I’d be without him, and I don’t want to know. There’s a small part of me that thinks I could be happier if I had never met him, my mental health sure might be better. 

The way I feel and think about him is unhealthy, I know it’s bad to be this obsessed with someone, but at the same time it’s nice to know strongly I can feel. I was once numb, immune to his charms. Well at least I thought I was.  
I wish I could turn these feelings off, I’m scared one day they could kill me. 

It’s a sad thing, knowing the one thing you’re living for is another thing you want to die for.

Yes, I’m aware what I’m saying sounds absolutely mental, but please hear me out. I’m not insane, I’m just crazy in love, I’m sure even you have felt like this at some point, maybe even for the same person I do. How could you not fall in love with the ball of sunshine that is Vince Noir? He’s gorgeous in every way, sure he’s a little strange but that’s just apart of his charm. 

I really don’t know why I still try to get him to notice me, without me he could be famous, I know I drag him down, stop him from reaching his full potential, but I could never leave him. Never in a million years. Hell, I’d stay with him for the rest of my life if only he’d let me. 

One day he’ll find someone, someone who is not me, and he’s going to be happy. I want him to be happy, it just sucks that I’m not enough for him. And I probably never will be.

We’re so different. In nearly everyway. In the way we look, in the way we dress, in the way we talk, especially personally wise. Heck, even his bloody nose possesses more character I could ever in my whole entire body.

He’s perfection. The mere definition of the word. No faults to him.  
But then again, if he’s so perfect, why does he continue to make me feel like this?  
It's wrong. He leads me on.

I want it to end, it needs to stop, but it never will.

I can't cope. Do I need help?

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, sorry if this sucked. Feel free to leave constructive criticism, if you like, but please no hate. This is my first fic, so it's not that great. If you liked it, please leave kudos and a comment, it would mean the world to me. Have a lovely day/night x


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